Archive for May 2011
Lie To Me
Have you ever read your own journal and thought that even there… it’s not completely you. Perhaps the fear of someone reading it even when you die keeps you from being really really honest. Heck, the stuff you write in there already is honest enough, right? I think we’ve been taught that we’re suppose to feel good about a lot of things all the time. You’re suppose to love your wife. You’re suppose to be committed to your church. You’re suppose to miss your family. You’re suppose to support the pastor’s vision. You’re suppose to want to spend time with your girlfriend, all the time. You’re suppose to be attracted to your mate. As a Christian, you’re suppose to be happy. You’re suppose to have this life and life more abundantly. You’re suppose to have a peace that transcends all understanding. You’re suppose to feel like you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. You’re ultimately suppose to always be in love with Jesus, but ladies and gents, what do you do when you feel the exact opposite of what you’re suppose to feel?
I’m convinced we are in love with what we’re suppose to do so much that we’ve created a tall order of commitments that we HONESTLY cannot keep. If we expect people to keep up with everything they’re suppose to feel, we’re really saying, “Lie to me.” Tell me that you’re doing better than you are. Tell me you’re still in love when you’re not. Quote scriptures that make you feel better for the conversation. The Word wasn’t built to make you feel better. Every single word was written to help you be better.
Friends, we’ve got to learn to get more honest with ourselves… so we can get more honest with our God. I’m not suggesting you start telling people how you really feel. I’m suggesting two things: 1.) Break up with what you’re suppose to do all the time and allow yourself to be honest. 2.) Give other people the space needed to be more honest with you. Don’t tell your spouse you’re not attracted to them. Are you crazy?! Give your spouse the space to be honest with you about what keeps the fire going in your relationship. I know we’re all suppose to have it together, but the bottom line is, we don’t!
And lastly, give your God space to love you. If you’re constantly telling yourself, other people, and God how much you love Him, is there any room for you to be anything else but in love? Is that realistic? If that space isn’t there, He doesn’t have room to work things out. No capes allowed yo.
What do you think?
The Cure for the Common People Pleaser
If there’s one neutral word that I’d use to describe myself that is neither arrogant nor selling myself short, it’s: diplomatic. I just want things to be ok. I always look for the happy medium in any situation. And living this way can lead to an addiction to constantly please people.
I find it interesting that I know plenty of people who, internally, freak out when ONE person is mad at them, but remain internally calloused to the secret sin that haunts them daily. Contrary to the popular misconception about people pleasers, pleasing people is not a bad thing! People will accidentally be happy with you without any effort on your part. But if pleasing people is your goal, there’s no way that you spend the same amount of time in your thought life trying to please God. I’m not after your actions. This one’s about what’s going on in your head. Anybody could give what it LOOKS like not to be a people pleaser, but people pleasing is an issue of the heart and the mind.
Here’s a few things that I think can help:
1.) Make pleasing God your first priority with what you set on your heart and what you put in your head.
2.) Get over yourself. To get over pleasing people, you gots to get over you. Once you fall out of love with being everybody’s superman, you’ll find a new role in their life that does #3.
3.) Point people to Jesus. The more you do this, the less you’ll feel obligated to always keep the cape on.
What do you think?
Dealing With Your Paparazzi
Whether it’s the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the opportunity you capitalized on, or the amount of money you make, people will always find a way to HATE ON YOU. We could discuss the symptoms for you to diagnose yourself to find out if, indeed, you are a hater, but usually, if you’re a hater, you probably already know it. In case you don’t, I’ll give you a hint: if you can always find the one negative thing about a really great person, or a really great thing, or idea… you is a hater!
Moving on, I don’t want to focus on the haters. I want to focus on the hatee, the person being hated on. Because if you’re not careful, you will respond to hating… with hating. Has someone ever called out a flaw in your life and all of a sudden, you’re guns blazing ready to point out every flaw they have? Hatorade is like a venom that can poison an innocent tongue that is meant to build people up, not a means to even out our social lives to somehow keep everyone at the same level. We wouldn’t want someone thinking they’re all high and mighty. And we don’t want anyone depressed. So we’ll encourage the depressed. And throw jabs at the high and mighty to “keep them humble.” Dumb. I like to call haters, “The Paparazzi.” They’ll make up stories about you based off what they see on twitter and facebook, and then believe whatever anybody says about how. And here’s how I think you should deal with the Paparazzi:
1.) Don’t become one.
Like I’ve already said, it’s easy to hate on your haters. Stop.
2.) Embrace your critics.
If you have haters, it’s generally a sign that you’re doing something good. And you’ll never get better if you don’t have people telling you what they don’t like about what you’re doing. And when I say embrace, I mean invite them in. I think the Bible tells us to love our enemies because it can actually help succeed. Find a hater, take them to lunch, and ask them how you can get better. They’ll eat a nice lunch, and you’ll get to eat your pride. Have fun.
3.) Go to the party.
At some point, one of your haters will have something awesome come their way. The biggest mistake that the prodigal son’s brother made was that he didn’t go to the party after HE WAS IN THE RIGHT FOR YEARS. In all fairness, this brother had the right NOT to go to the party. And in all fairness, you have the right not to celebrate the good things going on in a hater’s life… But you’re better than that.
Whether it be a co-worker, friend, or family member, genuinely be happy for people that don’t like you. Find ways to celebrate what God is doing in their life. Keep your cool. If you’re being hated on, God must have positioned you there for a reason. If you’re not being hated on, I’d examine whether or not you’re really doing anything significant to begin with.
Dude, Where’s My Car?
It’s sort of ironic. 92% of the people who live on planet earth do not own a vehicle of any kind. Yet… probably around 92% of everyone I know… has a car. It may not be a BMW, but they have four wheels. The wheels might fall off from time to time, but they at least have something to get fixed.96% of the world doesn’t own a computer. I’m pretty confident saying that 96% of the people I know have a computer in the palm of their hand.
I remember when I was on the other end of this statistic. It wasn’t that long ago that I had no wheels. In fact, while in college, I borrowed over 45 different cars. [Ya boy has got some really good friends.] I got to a place where I wanted a car so bad that it consumed my prayer life. And can I tell you, my prayers were goooood. I kept them low key. I wasn’t praying for an Escalade. I prayed for 4 wheels. And air conditioning. [I live in Dallas you know. Next door to Hades.] I “seeked first the kingdom”. I gave extra in offerings. I threw the key hash tag to getting your prayers answered on the prayer: #ifitbeyourwillGod. I did everything I could spiritually think of to position myself to get a car and honestly go to a place with my God where I said, “Dude… where. is. my. car?”
It’s way bigger than the car. Essentially, the question becomes what do you do when you are flat out spiritually frustrated? Like for the woman who’s been trying to have a baby, or the young man who’s been looking for Mrs. Right, or the girl who’s waiting for the pain to simply go away, or for the guy who’s been waiting years for the right job to open up, or for the patient who’s been battling cancer… They have to get a place with their God where they wonder: Dude, where’s my baby? Where’s my bride? Where’s my perfect job? Where’s my healing?
I could attempt to answer these questions, but I don’t know that it would change anything. What I offer you today is actually another question: Dude, where. are. You? If we can answer this question, it changes all the others. Because if your God responds with a resounding, “I’m right here. Next to you. With you. And I have no plans of leaving”, then what obstacle exist that you can’t face? And who knows, what if he ask you the same question?